Poor John Bull by Tom Sandow
He was six feet tall and three feet wide, when he walked down the street he had nowhere to hide, short on jobs poor Big John and that was the crunch for this big one for the endless diet of dismal thought made sure employment was usually nought. He was narrow at the shoulders and broad at the hips and had a weakness for sugary sips. Big John.
Big John Big John, Big Round John, big John
His main vice was fast food dishes never tasting healthy fishes, fast food chains were there to please with big fat burgers made with cheese, sometimes he wedged in the seat and it would take some staff to pull him to his feet. He had never sampled real home cooking or guidance either, it was mostly fast food without a breather. His culture said, live for today and pay later – someone else will be a creator.
Big John Big John. Trailing John, Big John
He spent all day watching TV more, eating take-a-way meals to the door. Volley ball girls took his eyes from the plate, watching perfect bodies to emulate, the guys and girls looking very grand rolling around in the sand, but between the takes he was again inspired by the fast food ads that never tired. Try this and fry that and all guaranteed to make John fat.
Big John, Big John, Couch Potato John, Big John
Something had to happen to change his life, it was going to be short without a fork and a wife. Booze too was another vice so no-one thought that John was nice but underneath he was not that bad just big and round and very sad. He needed guidance from somewhere but none was there to add despair – other than TV – flat TV.
Big John Big John, ignorant John, Big John
He tried his best to attract the girls but had no prize except those of his size. Fashion too was not his style with knee length shorts he wore all the while and baggy pants far too low either way they should go. Turner and Constable were wasting time for much of art is the worst of crime. Nothing inspires poor John to aim higher, or a state of mind to be a trier.
Big John Big john, unsightly John, poor John
He found one job as a walking bill board but got the chop because he was too broad, the only ad to advertise was the resort of Llandudno on the sea-side, the best of intention was always meant but he would fill the whole pavement. On a booze cruise he was moved from the rail for the Captain said, the ship might fail! ‘you must stay in the middle of the ship’ ‘otherwise it will be a short trip’.
Big John Big John, big ballast John, Big John
Saturday nights he would hit the town, with likewise mates who would gather round, the pubs and bars selling cheap liquor to end in the streets with much bicker, to waste police time all through the night to add to the tourist’s visual fright.
Big John Big John, bedsit John, big John
Actions and thoughts are tolerated provided they are overrated. Profits here and profits there, no-one cares to stand and stare. Bad news put on back burners, pushed forward are celebrity earners. Anyone now can be a star; provided you are young you go far. They advertise to the unwise all the stuff that shaped John’s size. Poor John passed away trying, to dial his cellphone and crying, no-one wants to take the blame or care much now about his name.
Big John, big John. Poor John, poor John.