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Journey into Space by Charles Chilton (nice letter from Andrew Faulds) Revised script with total respect to Charles Chilton by Tom Sandow.
One particular BBC serial that had us glued to the radio each week was ‘Journey into Space’ by Charles Chilton. This a somewhat humorous version of the last of the three editions; ‘The World in Peril’ – with fond memories of course. It is clear that the expedition leader, Jet Morgan and the radio operator ‘Lemmy’ Barnet formed a great partnership. Each episode followed a ‘diary’ kept by the doctor ‘Doc’ Matthews. The final episode could have been:-
From the diary of Doc Matthews
“It is but ten days since we blasted away from the planet Mars in a desperate bid to communicate with Earth the shocking news and warning of a pending Martian invasion. We have transferred from the trans-steller space saucer that we stole from the Martian asteroid into our old freighter Number One in a desperate attempt to reach home. Seated around the the ill-equipped freighter floor is Jet, Stephen ‘Mitch’ Mitchell, Lemmy Barnet and myself, along with Frank Rogers plus the lunar controller, a prisoner since we learned that he was working to aid the Martians. Things seem quite hopeless since no communication has been established with Earth and the vast Martian space converted asteroid fleet is closing in on us. The freighter is out of control and heading into deep space.
My writings are interrupted by the sound of Lemmy singing his own, inspired, lyric to the old song ‘Maggie’. “I dream of the days back on earth Becky, and see your big round face. I think of old earth all the time Becky, now we are lost in space. It’s been so long since I’ve seen Becky after all this time on Mars. When I finally make it back to you Becky, we will have a couple of jars.”
After some time of silence Lemmy said “JET!” (in his broad Cockney voice) (Jet) “Yes Lemmy”. (Lemmy) “You know life can be funny, when I said goodbye to Becky I said ‘I’m off to Mars,’ and you know what she said to me, she said “bring me back some cake!’ I said: NO! Not ma’s, Mars! I had to laugh. You know sitting here without much to do like, I’ve been trying to understand one or two things. You know on that wondrous saucer we left on Mars there was a box like thing with a glass front, what do you think it was for Jet?” (Jet) “I wouldn’t know Lemmy, probably a kind of vaporiser or disposal unit.” (Lemmy) “Quite amazing Jet, what inventive minds these Martians must have. I wrote down the strange hieroglyphics on the front, something like *MIcRoVaVe*. I have composed another song lyric specially for you Jet. Would you like to hear it, it’s to the tune of ‘My Old Dutch?’ “I suppose we must,” said Mitch. (Jet) “Alright Lemmy”.
“We’ve travelled far, through space and through time. We’ve followed a leader who really is sublime. We wonder if to home we’ll get, to see the good old sun to set. We feel so confident you bet, in our old Jet. We’ve been together now for 14 months and it don’t seem a day too long. For there ain’t a Captain in the Universe that we’d swop for our dear old Jet. For there ain’t a Captain in the Universe that we’d swop for our dear old Jet”.
(Jet) “Very good Lemmy. I’ve been thinking too, if we do reach home again this just might be my last space adventure.” (Lemmy) “Oh no, don’t say that Jet, what would you do? (Jet) “Not sure Lemmy but I do have my eye on a nice little town house in Stratford.” (Lemmy) “Stratford! You don’t mean Stratford? Its a bit rough around there, you could lose your dustbin even when full!” (Jet) “No Lemmy, I mean Stratford-upon Avon. (Lemmy) “Oh the posh Stratford, thats more like it – perfect for you Jet. You could go into Parliament, just the person to be a MP, steadfast, reliable, highly principled and dependable, someone to trust explicitly, always truthful with honest leadership, a good solid rock type. Or, rival BP with petrol stations – call them MP! Morgan Petroleum! My little joke”! (Mitch groans).
(Lemmy) “How far in front would you say the Martians are Jet?” (Jet) “They are following behind Lemmy,” (Lemmy) “No, I mean progress like.” (Jet) “Oh, at least a thousand years Lemmy, possibly more. Their technology is truly awesome and far outstrips anything that we can think of or invent.” (Lemmy) “I thought that was about it Jet. I mean; just think of that fantastic space saucer we left behind – not a join to be seen anywhere in the skin design, as smooth as a baby’s cheek it was. State of the art I calls it mate and no mistake.” (Jet) “Quite so Lemmy, probably made from some very light ceramic plastic compound that can stand enormous heat and pressure at incredible speeds. Also, that ship was nothing like the small transporter type used for local work. No, the ship we left behind was truly priceless and incredibly designed for inter-galactic travel.” (Lemmy) “You know, I thought that might be the case Jet. When we take off in our old ships the pressure nearly kills ya, yet in that Martian craft I didn’t feel a thing. Just a gentle glide upwards, like going to the tenth floor of Harrods.” (Mitch) “There are only five floors.”
(Jet) “Quite so Lemmy. The ship was probably motivated by some ‘anti-gravity’ engine fuelled by solar power.” (Lemmy) “What does that mean Jet?” (Jet) “Energy from the sun Lemmy. Endless free energy to make the craft capable of transversing the galaxy without needing fuel at all. The outer skin of the ship would be a huge solar receiver”. (Lemmy) “Makes you think don’t it Jet. Absolutely marvellous, we didn’t need take off seats and with the controls so easy to understand even Becky could fly it. How fast are we moving Jet?” (Jet) “I would estimate about 30,000 mph Lemmy. Much faster than our usual cruising speed owing to the fact that we used up all the fuel in one gigantic effort to reach the Earth as fast as possible.”
(Lemmy) “I know that Jet, nearly killed me that pressure did. How fast would you say the Martian saucer could go?” (Jet) “One could only guess Lemmy, perhaps ten times faster”. (Lemmy) “I can hardly believe it such comfort at such speed. And another thing, you remember when we travelled back to Mars on that Martian ship you told me to slip upstairs for forty winks? Well the kip up there was just like a feather – the best sleep since we met the time-travellers. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was in the land of nod.” (Jet) “Quite so Lemmy, I must agree the Martians know a thing or two about comfort.” (Lemmy) “You could say that again. I noticed a cubicle ‘shower’ unit without water! Cleaning by airjet! By air Jet – get it! We could have brought some deodorant that’s for sure”.
“And there’s our radio Jet. Have you any idea about the weight of the thing? Nearly put my back out lugging it up the freighter ladder. Weighs a ton even on Mars! Hours and hours finding bits from everywhere and still it won’t work – not a peep. Wiring like spaghetti. You know Jet, I couldn’t see any wiring at all with the Martian set, it seemed to disappear into the wall. Just a few easy dials – fantastic!” (Jet) ”I know Lemmy, I had noticed that myself. Of course the equipment must be far more powerful than anything that we could put together.” (Lemmy) “I thought that was the case Jet.” (Jet) ”Quite so Lemmy. Our knowledge of communication equipment must seem pre-historic to the Martians. Possibly the whole ship was designed to be the receiving aerial making radio signal capable of reaching say, Pluto even.” (Lemmy) “Like the ship itself Jet?”
”Quite so. So, what exactly have you been thinking Lemmy?”
(Lemmy) “Well Jet, I do appreciate that you are very thorough and plans are thought through with every minor detail covered. Nothing escapes your attention and this is why you deserve to be the commander of this mission like. It just puzzles me a little, why we have left a wonderful ship capable of fantastic speeds. Fully equipped to travel the galaxy in complete comfort. Childishly easy to control and with a ‘state of the art’ radio, to climb aboard this old crate with no beds or seats, with a radio that is on the blink, and every chance of missing the Earth altogether. I know you must have thought all this out Jet, your logical mind would have a completely logical answer of course, I would just like to know what it is that’s all.” (Jet) “Well Lemmy, the answer is quite simple.”
(Lemmy) “I thought it might be Jet.” (Jet) “You see Lemmy, this small and gallent team of ours are the very first of humankind to venture out into the huge void of space, a crusading mission to locate life that must be teeming in all directions from our small planet. A crusading mission of goodwill and example of all mankind. The image of our small planet throughout the vast Universe rest on our shoulders. If we had taken that ship without the Martians permission it would be, well, it would be stealing wouldn’t it Lemmy?” (Lemmy) “Yes, I suppose it would like.” (Jet) “Of course it would, and we would have the whole good name of Earth to think about. We do not want it spread all over the galaxy that Earth and its humans cannot be trusted do we? We do not want aliens saying; ‘bolt everything down here comes the Earth-man.’ No Lemmy, it is our moral duty to educate the Universe to higher principles. We must rise above the aliens Lemmy.” (Lemmy) “We are not rising very far Jet, I can see them in the rear view mirror.” (Jet) “No Lemmy, I mean we must be morally superior to all other creatures, we must try to civilise the Universe Lemmy.”
(Lemmy) “You are right Jet, they do need civilising, and they don’t even have a pub.”
Doc Matthews) Silence for quite some time until Lemmy found yet another song to sing for us to help with. “Is this the way to Armadillo, I think your face is rather brillo, just put your head upon my pillow and I’ll give you a great big snog. Tra la la la la la la (knock knock) Tra la la la la la la (knock knock) Tra la la la la la la . And I’ll give you a great big snog. “They say you have an ugly mug, a face like a Toby jug, and skin like an old hearth-rug but I will still give you a hug…
(Repeat the chorus…..)
Our daughter Nancy was in contact with the film actor and star of the show, Andrew Faulds for both were fans of Tony Hancock with which Andrew Faulds worked with a lot. I composed this script in 1998 and Nancy sent it to Andrew. At the time we were also appearing in Stratford-upon-Avon – his home town. Clearly a lovely man who did serve as an MP after leaving the acting profession. Here is one letter sent to her.
