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Welcome to the Snowflake Seminar everyone. Round in circles, in England the Gallopers, in America the Carousel. Professor C. Potts.
As we all know this is the school to study Lifemanship, or Oneupmanship. The best way to forward oneself at the expense of others. We charge no dues other than the payment for this lecture. Our reward is being the shareholders of your money making successes, whatever that may be! If you are failures then that is your problem. The only time we wish to see you again is to present your winning award parchment certificate for your given achievement. That must be of world notice. The world is made up of two sets of people, those who are ‘up’ and those who are ‘down.’
William Shakespeare said, ‘the whole world is a stage and we are but players upon.’ Indeed the basis of our philosophy. All the world are actors except we encourage the bad actors over the good. The academy policy; success is the norm rather than quality.
We reverse polarity, logic becomes illogical. The term snowflake is supposed to mean all the millennials but our students are of all ages. Ignorance is good! Fiction is best! Our winning snowflakes melt before sound logic; the reason we do not promote it. We do not wish to promote any political party for fear of finding a logical thinker but we help promote individuals if they make worthy anti-logic. Like ex-party leader Mrs May who has now resigned as Prime Minister but still stays as such to inspire illogical rules about everything and visits this EU more that previous. Her latest is to spend 27 billion pounds on her chosen thoughts when we are already committed to 39 billions for an EU depart payment demand not yet accurately assessed. Logic might help her decide to include her 27 billions and so reduce the lager sum. Again the failure of three attempts to pass this deal of EU rules but still insists it is the best solution she promotes. Not logical.
Our academy is not, wisely, supportive of any political party because that would mean a scheduled policy. Snowflakes must not have a policy but we do try and succeed to inhabit all sections of politics for the most daft of influences. We intend to annoy people with everything. Example, we (meaning our aims) propose spending millions on bus lanes that will help to disrupt the traffic and then reduce the number of buses by 50 per cent! One excellent idea from a leading snowflake. The purpose of the snowflake is to amass money at the cost of everyone else. One campaign is to protest about the rich not paying tax whilst we demand subsidy for useless ideas (worthy subsidy is not snowflake, our colleagues in the arts fully understand this, they avoid whenever possible making profitable films plays and popular television, the more obscure the better specially with muttering language. Richard Burton would not be considered). A footballer is reported to earn £8,000 per week. Gary Lineker finds it good to be paid £2,millions per year by the pensioners who pay him who are fined if they don’t. He then find a good reason to insult them – great snowflake, he thinks they should all be dead. flake thinking could be their for a good award.
Being annoying wins our awards!
Being annoying is good! So we have devised an annual annoymous award! All winners are annonymous. This year seems to be a good one, already we have excellent contributors for the award, it could be a record year. Like the female university professor with huge coverage (or uncoverage!) who saw fit to talk gibberish in the nude saying that Brexit has stolen her clothes– nudity being her protest choice. But on radio – terrific! The Continental clown Toynoksky who found huge press cover complaining that he found Parliament far more funny than he was! Parliament itself that intends to keep Brexit running longer than the Mousetrap and Mrs May as pretend Prime Minister! The BBC is always a leading contender with its touring red sofa, situated in various unfortunate town centres (even on Llandudno beach) to ask passers by to state whatever snowflake views are promoted that day. Consider a given daily promotion like measuring all the pebbles on Chesil beach in Dorset to see any effect from global warming using school children (always a snowflake reliability).
Reality; the past is to blame, always.
Reality is as we snowflakes wish to see it and not what it really is, this would be logical and we do not approve of logic or logical thinkers. All history is bunk said Henry Ford, but we have no knowledge of or bother to care about Henry Ford or anything further back than yesterday, the present and tomorrow are all that matters provided we shape it. We must promote personal egos –one is always right regardless to the extent it is placed on a tshirt or not in the case of the academic female. Lengthy unintelligible speeches are the norm. This is lapped up by our associates in the media who then add more nonsense to it. One ‘snowflake’ academic claims that Mary Poppins is racist because Julie Andrews put soot on her face to dance with the chimney sweeps. Classic Blame the Past snowflake although it is difficulty to associate soot with snow but, as we say, logic is void. Every noble statesman or great individual of the past is now character questioned like Churchill – he must be gay.
One wonderful example of snowflake broadcasting is to place windswept microphones on Parliament Square green totally unprotected and then complain about the rude public interruptions to various snowflake politicians who are mostly misunderstood by the public who care. Of course logic would suggest a nicely placed booth within the House of Commons lobby where interviews would be dignified and intelligent but this would not be snowflake! Any more than equalizing the number of flags destroying Parliament Square = the BBC makes sure the EU Rules OK!
Where there is harmony promote total discord! LET US FORM A NEW PARTY! The most meaningless the better! Snowflakes never had loyalty to the main one anyway, always an easy route into politics, once in then resort to activities to destroy the one that put you there! Mind you, our members are quite good or bad at acting snowflake totally themselves, all elect a new leader with total of 125 majority, only one spoiled paper then say they will now stop him taking any power! This one must be high this year for award. Our theme song for snowflakism.
Snowflake then is encourage discord and constant gravitation into the forming of generally pointless pressure groups that deliberately oppose other groups. All snowflakes within political parties are a great help in setting up these (of course) well funded groups that our members dominate. All must be represented to the snowflake media as young members – Logan’s Run – like the general secretary of CUKK -count the U.K Kindrgadens, with a call for necessary government funding. No group worth anything should stand on its own feet. The more pointless the group the better! specially when it inspires ‘funding’, remember, funding is meaningful, it is good, it avoids asking people for money, we just get it. Independence and wealth creation is always bad. We snowflakes are green snowflakes! We think the people would like funding by their money we believe their funding should like us!
Cut down the trees and put then in a tree museum, charge the people a dollar and a half just to see’um!
Dedicated to save the planet that our dedicated policies have destroyed over many years. Encourage the worst types to destroy the planet like everything new is good, everything old is bad and must be replaced instantly, like the mass usage of smartphones that can only be produced by under paid ethnic race workers with minimal rights. Workers who produce are not allowed to be snowflakes! One must have a smartphone because it is not smart not to. Everything on a smartphone is snowflake and wonderful. Just search. (Nothing is given one must be smart enough to search). All children must have a smartphone for snowflake education until the education lobby claims they can be disruptive in schools, so our snowflake media must ask persons in the street (they do about everything) should they be banned in school to include asking schoolchildren. (If you are going into the media always remembers to locate the unwise in the streets – always the majority to us and we only consult them to be patronising – we do not want logical answers).
I read the news today Oh Boy, 10,000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire. Although the holes were rather small they had to count them all now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall!
Goods made locally must always be of second value to goods made across the world although this huge transportation causes global warming and millions of tons of plastic to poison the oceans. Our snowflake politicians use millions of air miles to endles conferences discussing how to reduce CO2. It would be logical to organise these rather pointless gatherings at one location but to avoid the word logic, each occasion must be at a different location that costs millions in cash funded by the rioting poor locals for ‘security’, a must against the poor locals. Our snowflake politicians love grand titles that do not include national titles that are totally ‘un-snowflake’ so they choose G31 or CO2-20 (these gatherings must have very special logos and flag designs, and the chosen gatherers must have mass smiling photographs taken although rioters are trying to by-pass the bunker security. All national flags must be obscured unless they are in front of one.
Greed is Good (Wall St.)
Our academy claims little harm is done to young minds by the internet, we planed to make persons pay for vile items online this year to protect the under 18s, now say it will be next year including the availability of unseemly photos and online gaming along with the constant use of these latter images on public transport. (Report about children gambling habitually online now number 50,000) But this would mean the curtailment of freedoms (to make capital) and snowflakes do not care about the freedoms of others who do not wish to be unwillingly conscripted. In any case it is always the public’s fault, snowflakes always blame them! the age old snowflake response ‘all you have to do is switch off!’ Or lock your child in the bedroom of course the need for moral fibre, good manners, respect for others provided they are not destructive, is totally against our snowflake philosophy, the world where everyone is equal unless you are against snowflakes and then one is not equal even to the point of mental assessment. 25 per cent of children are depressed (not enough funding they claim or child care – we do not mention the easy location of mind blowing drugs).
Be Inventive! The buzz words, this year several ‘Bubble! All Snowflakes live in a bubble – the more powerful the bigger the bubble. The term ‘real people’ mean those outside of our bubble. This bubble now floats on this new word table! Everything must be on the table that must be a large table but the size is never given it must be large enough to carry the very necessary new word to cover past glory – legacy! One must guess the size of the legacy along with the table within the enclosing bubble.
Snowflakes must seek out fresh knowledge all the time – the past is dead – and only the smartphone can supply innovation, if TV fellow reporter members find something new they act so excited as if discovering the sunrise and jump about punching the air. ‘Look, this Polynesian large footed Turtle is walking into the ocean!’ The fact that the creatures have done this since 50,000 BC is lost to the youthful newsperson – great snowflake! Never forget to use the magic word for everything that little bit above the norm – AMAZING! (This covers most of broadcasting). We never share with bystanders any local news item, persons who must stand around looking blank dead pan and pathetic or they are selected to jump around and punch the air on the news of one extra bus allowed each day in Bradford. A stiff upper lip is a huge sign of weakness. So passé. The snowflake press are now engaged constantly asking the public a leading pointless questions for the headline like, ‘why isn’t (this or that) taken more care of?’ Or, ‘do you think it is right that nuclear waste from the Middle East should be stored one mile from the city centre?’ Then broadcast a selected reply like ‘not really bothered I live in Leeds’. Great snowflake broadcasting.
How many of us are there?
It cannot be accurately assessed how many persons are snowflakes occupying the earth or even this country ,but certainly we inhabit large controlling sectors of the media, social media, the TV broadcasters – news and weather person, and the celebrity culture. The world must be presented in some joyful nonsense way rather than reality – common people must always be made miserable, we keep smiling terrible news is either avoided or played down so to allow our news people to keep a happy presentation. Less than earthquake news is built upon to sound terrible. However the slightest nonsense is to to make them laugh out loud. Most snowflakes always promote a nasal speech problem; we must dislike the English language, avoiding full stops and commas. WE must always shout on television and talk over each other! Or, be that whispering quite to be unheard, specially deep in the Amazon rainforest. This shows discourtesy to an audience say, if we are discussing ‘the press’ the cross talk must be mumbled and only audible at the news table but inaudible in one’s viewers front room. The chosen ‘papers ‘reviewer must always be a word dribbling unknown who thinks joyful things are happening in Venezuela or the roller skating dog found in Cuba.
Blame the Spice Girls! What we really really want! (Never forget -Amazing!)
Good snowflakes must repeat words like ‘very’ or ‘really’ ‘it was really really windy!’ Our weather people must relish standing out in a force ten gale and then say ‘I should have put on my hat gloves and scarf!’ (As if anyone really (really!) cares. One classic snowflake weather cast came from the Bristol Channel – it was pitch dark! The weather person said when the sun rises we will see how rough the sea is today!
Excellent diction other than swear words must be discouraged – new comedy.
We Snowflakes hate some words so they are abolished or change the word especially like ‘patriotism’ that becomes ‘populism’ (the latest party leader to be chosen is a dedicated snowflake who wishes to destroy liberal leader detests Populism whist ignoring the two millions in the streets of Hong Kong. Of course logic might suggest that popular must mean a majority but, as stated, logic is not popular with us snowflakes. Her chosen choice to increase the party number from the lost precise number 53 down now to 12 is to destroy the other large two and invite them to join her group with a the snowflake liberal philosophy no-one can understand
It means a constant shift of opinion. Soon as any real meaning is found it is dropped for something else with less meaning! What really matters are logos and titles, any real value attached to such is secondary. International conglomerate corporations are exceptionally important but, like the film How to Succeed –‘what is a World Wide Wicket?’ No-one knows or cares how many products it makes provided they are shipped around the globe, who the management is, the profit margins or wage comparisons. Conglomerate X made 14 billions in profits but unless this huge sum is spread around then the world is that much poorer and we are that much richer! It is now certain that the greatest current snowflake demand is for electric cars that also demands that children are being used for close mining to exploit the battery needs! Snowflake non-associates have either no knowledge or no interest in this detail. Television advertisements are for the under 30s with mentalities of children. They must use small toys and small animals that talk to promote a product. Actors even talk to themselves.
Logan’s Run.
Television advertisements are all designed for the promotion of snowflake philosophies all actors must be chronic over-actors, and again shout! Every product implies that the purchaser must be rather dim not to have bought the thing already! (Oh dear oh dear, why have you missed our advertisement until now). We encourage all advertisement actors to be bereft of logic and behave in the most strange stupid manner, talk to little animal creatures and take more credible advice from their dog. and onlookers must think it is strange with a blank face. It is always policy for TV programme journalists to describe everything as if just found out that ‘Brunel designed this bridge! Put with great excitement as if the journalist had just found out and the viewers were all basic! (Yes we think they are all basic like all germs that can only be killed 99.9 percent must be terrible creatures with mocking little faces)
Countries of course are so yesterday, super conglomerate ungovernable gatherings are the new order even if it means 42 parts for a toaster must be imported from around the world instead of manufactured within ten miles of the main factory. Snowflakes must be quite incapable of working out that the so-called carbon footprint might be 200 times more by not using local suppliers for the odd bits. This encourages ordinary people to moan about global warming and mass dumping of plastic! Word preferences be rally ‘now’ like; new, fresh, new wave, modern, modernistic, ground-breaking, inspirational, whilst words like tradition, standard, reliable, dependable, honest, is old hat and mocked along with purity and dignity. Quite in order to be offensive in the streets on TV shows and social media with outrageous clothes language and messaging but ‘the truth’ is not encouraged by snowflakes. Like Oscar Wilde we believe there is no such thing as a bad book only a badly written book, (or a correctly written book!) the ideal is to mean there is no good or bad just a result – free expression. Rules are minimal, no-one is to blame, only society being that we snowflakes are the current society, it must be the past society and if the truth is unpalatable (we find people were better in the past) then we re-write the past!
I look forward to you all winning your diplomas that won’t be worth anything. Snowflakes do not value anything of worth or a gift made of non-biodegradable plastic.